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Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Opie the O'Possum


My dog Toby is a daschund (I never know if I am spelling that correctly). Someone told me once that dashchunds (maybe if I spell it differently every time, I will get it right one of the times) were originally bred to hunt and kill gophers. It totally makes sense to me. He is my protector. Even when the rest of my family could care less what I am doing, Toby is following me around (to be fair, he could just be looking for me to drop food that he can snag).

Anyway, last night I let him out to pee one last time before bed and he didn't come in and I heard a racket of barking and snarling outside my bedroom door. I went out to take a look (and to make him be quiet before the police, FBI, CIA and neighborhood watch were called) and I saw he had a huge (okay, I exaggerate, a very, very large) possum in his jaws and he was throwing it around like a rag doll. I immediately thought of rabies. He gets his shots regularly for this very reason. So now, to add to the thunderous noise in my backyard, I started screaming at him "You're gonna get rabies from that thing!!! Drop it now!!!" He, of course, ignored me completely and tossed the thing some more. I know I should love all of God's creatures, but I find possums really repugnant. I apologize to anyone who thinks they are cute. And, by the way, you should seek professional help.

So there I am, wrestling with a dog who is wrestling with a possum. Someone should have gotten it on film. I finally got him away from it and shoved him inside. Now is when you should tell your children to stop reading. But I will say, no cute, fuzzy animals were harmed in this story. However, really, really ugly ones were. I went out to look (carefully) at the possum. It was toast. I could not bring myself to throw it in the garbage at 10 pm. So I went to bed.

This morning Toby could barely contain himself he wanted to go outside so bad. I was not fooled into thinking his bladder was that full. No dummy, moi. So I went outside and low and behold - the possum was gone! Either Harry Potter came to visit and transfigured it into an ivy leaf or, it really wasn't dead. I guess "playing possum" isn't just an old saying. So, all's well that ends well.

Ode to Opie

There once was a hideous creature
Who, really needing to pee, sure
That he was alone,
He strayed far from home,
And my dog rearranged his features.

Apologies to Angie.